My Angel Alexis Is Forever In My Heart

03/14/09 – 07/19/09

Alexis Theresa Anderson was born on March 14, 2009, along with her twin sister Annabelle Marie. My husband and I were very surprised with the news that we would be having two babies and even more surprised when they came 10 weeks early. They were so small; Annabelle came first weighting 2 pounds, 11 ounces and Alexis weighed 3 pounds and 3 ounces. They couldn’t have been more perfect. Their tiny fingers to their tiny toes, they were mine. I was proud to be their mom.

Due to the early delivery, the girls spent their first month in ICU at Children’s Hospital. Every free moment I had I spent watching them, just waiting for the day I would be able to bring them home. Every day was unpredictable. Some days would be so sad, the next so scary and others so happy. Tears filled my eyes when they told me I couldn't hold Alexis. She was having trouble breathing and we found out that she had an open valve in her heart. Thankfully, they were able to fix it and after a few more days I finally got to hold her. I was so happy, and things kept getting better. The girls were sent to a level two nursery and every day they grew stronger.

I brought the girls home to their newly painted room. Our family and friends welcomed Annabelle and Alexis with a wonderful baby shower. Over the first few months, I was on maternity leave, so we were able to have great life experiences. Both girls were baptized with their two cousins. We took several family trips including a road trip to North Dakota to visit family. We danced the night away at my sister’s wedding. We had a wonderful time exploring the beautiful cabin in Hibbing, Minnesota. I remember walking the double stroller down the gravel road and watching the girls wiggle on the carpeted floor of the cabin. We even were able to enjoy camping over the fourth of July. The girls wore their awesome red, white and blue outfits with tiny bows in their hair.

Alexis and Annabelle were always together. I loved to watch them play next to each other. Alexis started to laugh first and hardly cried. I felt like I spent more time holding Alexis, trying to make up for all those times I couldn’t hold her in the hospital. I remember Alexis’ smile and the little noises she made. It was the sound of a little kitten noise or a quiet puppy whimper. I think that she was like me and liked to hear herself talk.

On July 19th, 2009, everything changed. I woke up at 5:45 that morning and found Alexis not breathing. She had fallen asleep and never woke up. We had gone to bed after 1:00 am and in a matter of hours she was gone. I blamed myself for staying up to late, for being around a campfire to long and for letting her sleep with us. Then I even started blaming the drive in for being sold out. The day before replayed over and over in my head. I remember putting Annabelle and Alexis in cute matching outfits and my husband taking pictures. And I remember sitting around the campfire watching Alexis smile at me. She had a beautiful smile, and she was so happy. It is still so hard to imagine life without her.

I was devastated. I felt like no one truly knew what I was going through. I was scared to go to bed at night; afraid that I would have to relive the worst day of my life. I learned about a group at Children’s Hospital that met once a month. I needed a place where I could talk to people who knew what I was going through. After attending a few meetings, I was introduced to a newly started foundation that funded resources for bereaved parents. The Baby Angels Foundation gave me the opportunity to connect with new families during my stay at Faith’s Lodge and during their annual ‘Walk to Remember’. These experiences helped my family celebrate Alexis’ life. So, when the Baby Angels Foundation dissolved, we found a similar organization.  This organization, Halos of the St. Croix Valley, holds an annual walk in August and offers many other support services.  In addition, my family also started the annual Field of Angels Co-Ed Softball tournament. The tournament has been held in Prescott since 2013.  Not only does this tournament help me celebrate my sweet Alexis, but it also raises funds for Halos of the St. Croix Valley, Faith’s Lodge and Fairy Wonderland. 

We are incredibly blessed to have these organizations within our communities, so please continue to support them so they can continue to help grieving parents.